Why doesn’t my ex-partner talk to me?

Do you want to know why your ex is not talking to you? We propose several reflections in this regard and some reasons behind this attitude.

Reviewed and approved by the psychologist Elena Sanz on December 05, 2021.

Last update: December 05, 2021

Dealing with the consequences of a breakup is something that many of us must do in our lives. According to the level of experience, maturity, attachment or expectations regarding the relationship the rupture can be managed better or worse. One of the most frequent doubts is why my ex-partner does not speak to me after the breakup. Today we tell you the possible reasons and we write you some reflections.

Communication is undoubtedly one of the channels that allows you to verify that the relationship with your partner has come to an end. You go from talking to her every day to not doing it anymore. Although it is true that some continue to communicate occasionally, most relationships put an end to this communication bridge. Let’s see what is behind it.

Communication after a breakup

Sometimes couples tend to communicate more after they break up the more years they have spent together and the greater their commitment to the union.

The investment that has been made in a relationship could be a good predictor of the degree of communication that will continue when it is over. But this is not all. As the researchers point out, the attachment and intimacy that existed between the two also determines the communication process after the romantic dissolution.

The question becomes even more complicated when we add social networks to all these variables. Spying on or monitoring the ex-partner is a common practice, which can lead, according to studies and research, to what is known as digital distress.

The levels of anguish increase when realizing that the ex-partner has followed the course of his life, has had new experiences, started new projects and fulfilled goals without communicating it.

In addition to distress, the discovery of all this can also translate into bouts of anxiety and depression. As we will see below, there are several reasons why it has been preferred to stay out of it.

4 reasons why my ex doesn’t talk to me

The first thing you have to know about why my ex is not talking to me is that, broadly speaking, there are no reasons to do so. Even when the relationship has ended on good terms, you have to assimilate that it has dissolved. In this way, the habits or practices that they used to do together have also done it.

Apart from this reflection, we propose 4 reasons why my ex-partner does not speak to me. Although of course we can review many more, most of the cases can be explained through these contexts. Let’s see each of them in detail.

1. You need space

Breakups can be traumatic, so taking distance is always a valid option to heal.

One of the reasons why my ex-partner doesn’t talk to me is that he needs space. Space to reconsider your present and your future, to assimilate the break, to think about what attitude you should take and to organize her life now that she is alone.

It is natural that during this process you want to cut off all types of communication. Otherwise, you couldn’t handle these reflections. This happens despite the fact that both have decided to end the relationship by mutual agreement.

2. Go through the breakdown phases

As we have already told you, there are 8 phases of a breakup. Some of them, such as the isolation, anxiety, acceptance or overcoming phase require or are characterized by breaking communications with the ex-partner. In other words, half of the break-up phases involve a disconnection that affects the communication with her.

To this we must also add the emotional plane. Again, even when the end of the relationship has been planned by both of you, it is impossible to escape the feelings. It is much easier to control these in the absence of the memory than when it is permanently reinforced with a message, a call or when it is shared in a space with that person.

3. Has some kind of resentment

Another possible explanation for why my ex-partner does not speak to me is that she has some kind of resentment. This may appear because the breakup was not by mutual agreement, she did not give everything of herself to make it work or because all her projects and her future were in that relationship.

There are many reasons for resentment. This can be manifested in two ways: a through insistent communication or through his absolute absence. Be that as it may, it is more common than you think, it all depends on the characteristics of the breakup or the relationship itself.

4. There is no special reason

Not everything always has to have a concrete explanation. Relationships are changeable, especially those with an ex.

Although the scenarios described are perfectly viable, in reality there may not be any particular reason. You have only decided to move on with your life, which implies that you have left the past in the past. You have made new friends, you have met someone, you are spending all your time at work or cultivating a new hobby.

There is no obligation to continue maintaining a communication channel with an ex-partner, not even from a moral point of view. If that person believes that they gave their all in the relationship, and the breakup was by mutual agreement, then there is nothing wrong with the fact that they have decided to follow a different course.

Should I be concerned if my ex doesn’t talk to me?

No, you shouldn’t worry if your ex doesn’t talk to you. The more you worry, the more your anxiety about it will increase. As we have just explained, and from an objective point of view, there are no solid reasons to continue communicating with your ex. This when there are no reasons to do so (that there are children involved or other interests, for example).

Some couples remain good friends after ending their relationship. However, if we are 100% honest, this is not the rule. For most it is better to mark an end, start a new life and move away from the past. This does not have to affect you, you just have to assimilate it and choose to do the same with your life.

Of course, if there are interests involved, the ideal is to establish a channel to communicate. If this is your case, you should talk with your ex so as not to completely destroy the bond that once united them. Otherwise, what lies in the middle can be harmed, be it a child, an investment, a pet or anything else.

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