Why am I angry all the time and how to control it?

Dealing with stress on an ongoing basis is one of the reasons why you may feel angry all the time. What other causes are hidden behind anger?

Last update: 22 April, 2022

What’s going on? Why am I angry all the time? These are some of the questions that arise when an apparently innocuous event triggers our anger.

few situations are as uncomfortable for others as witnessing someone losing control. However, there we are too, once again being the protagonists.

Why am I angry all the time?

This angry emotion may be at the origin of our own inability to make decisions, to take charge, to choose and change towards the life (job, relationship) that we want. The frustration we feel for finding ourselves in a place we don’t want ends up turning into anger.

Sometimes, anger also originates from not being able to set limits on other people, from not knowing how to say no. In this way, a feeling of injustice arises, a kind of resentment that does not let go of us and stains the situations.

Likewise, the lack of rest and being permanently exposed to stressful situations also makes us sensitive to discomfort. Anger and irritability can be a symptom of a more complex problem, such as depression.

What makes us angry may be hidden behind a cloak that we cannot remove. We don’t understand why we get like this.

Consequences of being angry all the time

Being angry constantly has different consequences:

  • Causes emotional wear, since we fail to enjoy the situations and defensive reactions are activated. Let us bear in mind that anger prepares us for defense, since it acts in the face of a situation that is perceived as threatening. Likewise, after reacting excessively, guilt, discomfort and insecurity ensue.
  • Personal relationships wear out since the others with whom the conflict is established distance themselves or also get angry. To complete the situation, those who become the frequent target of our anger are usually those closest to us (partner, work colleagues, friends).
  • Anger obsesses us with our thoughts. We are left ruminating on what motivated us to anger. There is even some kind of revenge against those who contradicted us.
  • It takes us away from the possibility of resolving the conflict And to do it sensibly. We even make the situation worse.

Tips to control and prevent anger

It is not about repressing anger, but about learn to manage it to avoid unintended consequences. All emotions are an invitation to explore what is happening to us and do something about it.

Nor is it about hiding what we feel, but looking for strategies that allow us to express ourselves. Avoiding conflict does not eliminate it. Even if we don’t solve it, we are exposed to fragility.

Now, some of the recommendations to avoid being angry all the time are the following:

  • Accept that it is not possible to control everything and decide which battles you want to fight. Sometimes it is about negotiating and giving in. A good question would be “How does it affect me that this is done in another way?”. Sometimes we discover that there is no reason to be so rigid.
  • Relativize situations. It is important to ask yourself if this is so important. How much emotion am I putting into this fact? Sometimes we come to the conclusion that there are other underlying reasons and that we are only reacting to something previous.
  • Relax through breathing. One of the first techniques that we have to learn to carry out is this. That is, to be able to stop before reacting. Some people leave the room, walk and take a few steps away until they can calm down. This does not mean avoiding the subject, but rather it aims to seek calm in order to approach it with emotional intelligence.
  • Observing what other people are like when they behave in anger. What reaction do they provoke in you? Do you recognize yourself in them? What kind of image do they generate? Well, sometimes we are those same people.
  • Think about what happened the last time we reacted from anger. Were we able to achieve what we wanted? If so, what was the cost?
  • Look for alternative solutions to the problem. You already recognize that something bothers you. Now, if it is not possible to solve it as you would like or if you cannot expect a certain response from others, how else can a solution be reached?

If you are on the other side and you are the interlocutor of an angry person, avoid comments of the type “it’s not that bad”. Don’t joke about the situation either. On the contrary, she tries to connect with that person by asking him what has upset him and listening actively.

Listening to the other can be a way for him to calm his anger at that moment.

Do not confuse expressing yourself with giving free rein

Regarding anger, Albert Ellis (from rational emotional therapy) argued that one of the fallacies that justify its expression has to do with the belief that, by doing so, we will free ourselves from it. Nevertheless, anger is self-reinforcing and brings more angerso that if it is misdirected, we end up prisoners of it, dominated.

Ellis explains that, when faced with a triggering event, the beliefs we have about that event are activated, that is, our assessment of how things should be. That triggers or triggers the anger.

So, expressing anger will not simply extinguish itbut it will repeat itself. That belief that justifies it still exists. Hence, it is proposed to review these basic ideas.

It’s not about living anger just like that, but about trying to track where it comes from and what sustains it. It may be an arduous task, but it is worth it.

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