What are the characteristics of the discard of a narcissist?

When the victim stops satisfying the narcissist’s desires, the narcissist discards her unceremoniously. We explore the reasons behind this abandonment and how it affects the person who suffers from it.

Written and verified by the psychologist Elena Sanz.

Last update: 08 October, 2022

Relationships with narcissistic people are extremely harmful and exhausting. We can think that it is the manipulation, control or devaluation (so present in the bond) that causes the most pain to the victim; however, there is a “last final blow” that, unexpected and disconcerting as it is, can be even more devastating. We are talking about the discard phase of a narcissist.

The victims of this type of person have somehow become accustomed to being angry for no reason, teasing or being isolated by their partner. This, of course, causes them enormous suffering, but they are so immersed in the dynamic that they have learned to accept it.

However, due to the absolute dedication they make to the relationship, they don’t expect the other person to leave them; however, the narcissist does it and, moreover, in an extremely cruel way.

The narcissistic cycle and its phases

A toxic relationship can seriously affect your self-esteem. Learn to discover a narcissist in time.

A relationship with a narcissistic person normally follows a series of phases well structured and differentiated. Keep in mind that we are talking about manipulative individuals, who calculate their steps and strategies very well in order to have their victim where they want. Thus, we find several moments:

  • The honeymoon is the initial phase. In this stage, the victim is showered with flattery, attention and love. Really, she feels that she has found her soul mate, someone who values ​​her and complements her perfectly. The narcissist is totally attentive, dedicated and in love to trick and seduce the partner. It is called “love bombing”.
  • In a second stage, the mask falls off and the narcissist shows his darkest and most damaged side. He begins to devalue his victim, to manipulate her, lie to her and humiliate her. Due to the hook produced by the previous phase, the person does everything possible to recover that idyllic love, submits and accepts that mistreatment, even feeling that he is to blame for the change.
  • In a third stage, when the victim no longer serves the narcissist’s purposes, the narcissist discards her, without hesitation or contemplation. He abandons her and betrays her, dealing a final blow to her self-esteem.
  • Generally, the cycle does not end here, and the narcissist will reappear or keep hovering around their victim to keep feeding your ego whenever you want.


The devastating effect of discarding a narcissist

The stage of discarding a narcissist is one of the least known and commented on, but it is one of the most painful. come this time, the individual leaves his partner without explanations or final conversations. She stops talking, appearing and responding, there are no apologies or reasons, she simply discards who was her partner as if it were an object.

When it happens, the victim feels completely confused and disoriented. appear strong feelings of anger, frustration, despair, and even guilt. The cognitive dissonance is so great, the deception and manipulation have been so deep, that accepting the essential evil of the narcissist is not possible and it is easier to take responsibility for what happened on oneself.

That person who gave everything, who submitted, isolated himself and gave in in a thousand ways to please his partner, is abandoned from one moment to another. The pain is indescribable self-esteem has already been completely destroyed. Even so, it is common for resentments and desire for revenge to arise.

Why is a narcissist discarded?

The narcissist has two faces: with one he conquers you, and with the other he destroys you.

Although what happened seems to have no explanation, the truth is that the individual has his own motives (completely selfish and lacking in empathy) to do what he has done. Among the main ones are the following:

  • The victim no longer serves as “food”, no longer provides the benefit that the narcissist obtained her. She may be so exhausted and defeated that her emotional reactions are no longer what the executioner expected. Perhaps she has lost the beauty, the money or the status that the narcissist liked so much or, simply, she is no longer as new and exciting as before.
  • The couple has begun to set limits. Tired of the abuse and humiliation, she has stopped playing the narcissist’s game and started calling him out. At this time, since she no longer serves her purposes, since she no longer worships or submits to him, she is discarded. Sometimes abandonment is exercised as a form of punishment.
  • The narcissist probably has a new victim in his sights and want to dedicate himself to hooking her.
  • Yes the victim has opened his eyes regarding what is happening, or about to do so, the other will choose to leave. The same will happen if there is someone in the immediate environment willing to unmask him.


Other features you should know

We have already commented that abandonment occurs apparently suddenly, through a cowardly flight and a deathly silence, without excuses or explanations. But, in addition, there is usually another series of characteristics:

  • It is very common that the narcissist starts a new relationship right away. In addition, it will show it publicly and give an image of a perfect couple.
  • this guy will continue to devalue your partner even after the relationship ends. He will talk badly about her, criticize her and tell the rest of the people that she is crazy, that she is bad and that she is to blame for everything. Also, he will claim to be much happier in her new bond.
  • Usually, will look for a key moment to discard. It will wait until its victim is in a bad place (because of a job layoff, the loss of a family member, or an illness) and then it will abandon them. If not, he will choose dates such as her birthday or their couple’s anniversary. In this way, the impact of abandonment will be much greater.
  • It is very likely that the narcissist will try to return in a more or less short period of time. Everything will depend on whether he has another victim to feed on. In any case, you’ll want to make sure you still have control over your ex and in many cases they will seek to resume the relationship by resorting to trickery and manipulation as usual.

End the cycle of pain

By better understanding how this cycle works in relationships, it is somewhat easier to break out of it. If you have suffered the dismissal of a narcissist, understand that it was not your fault at all, that you were the victim of emotional manipulation and that it will be hard for you to get back on your feet. Everything you feel is lawful and it can be very positive that you seek professional help to recover.

Above all, remember that the danger is not over, that the narcissist will want to return or continue to exercise control over you and it is essential that you take action. Don’t chase him, don’t claim him, don’t keep feeding his ego; apply zero contact and get ready to move on. Despite the pain, this is the best thing that could have happened: now you have a chance to break free from that harmful cycle.

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