What are the 5 languages of love?
What are the languages of love? Is there only one? It's universal? Theorizing or talking about love is something that has been done for many years. However, it does not end up having finished or conclusive definitions.
One of the people who dedicated himself to analyzing love is Gary Chapman, a specialist in couple relationships, who wrote about the 5 languages of love. There he analyzes the different modalities in which the feeling is expressed.
Each person will have their own style and way of giving and receiving love, but most agree that love is very important to life. For his part, Chapman proposes that when you discover what your love language is and that of your partner, you can flow and connect better.
What is the language of love?
Chapman argues that many times it seems that couples do not understand each other or that they speak different languages, because their love languages are not the same.
It also posits that people often give love in the same way they like to receive it. To do this, he proposes to identify what those languages are and, from there, to learn their own ways to also try to understand those of others.
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1. The words
It is one of the first languages of love. The words we say to the other to show how much we appreciate them or how important they are to us, sometimes they arise spontaneously and at other times we think about them a little more.
Here it is interesting to note that, to be credible, they must be genuine, sincere and based on something we feel or think. On the other hand, it is important not to assume that the other knows what we feel. Recognition and confirmation help strengthen the relationship.
Finally, so that the words are not carried away by the wind, as the saying goes, must always be supported or sustained by actions and facts. Otherwise, they refuse.
2. Quality time
In a society where we were socialized with ideas like the multitasking, with the cell phone present in most of our interactions, providing quality time becomes even more precious.
The truth is that many times we spend hours in social gatherings, but when we return home, if they ask us what about the life of such a person or how someone resolved a certain issue, we do not always know very well what to answer.
This happens because we are without being, present half. That is why time does not have to be measured in quantity, but in quality. A time in which we dedicate ourselves to the other person, we listen to them and we are interested in sharing moments.
This is another of the love languages defined by Chapman. The author values not only the fact of thinking the what of the gift, but also the effort to buy and get it.
However, many people propose to question, at least partially, the idea that gifts be the right word. We already know that a relationship full of gifts, with all material needs satisfied, does not necessarily imply reciprocity or interest.
Perhaps, rather, the idea of gestures. Paying attention and taking an interest in knowing the tastes of another person becomes a trigger to give a gift, which is very different from doing it out of sheer inertia.
At this point, it is best to find a balance. That one thing does not replace the other. Many people also recommend offering experiences to share.
4. Acts of service
Here they are understood all those actions through which another person is helped and you are doing him a favor. For example, bringing food to your mother could be understood if you know that she comes home very late from work and will be tired.
At this point, it is always important to make a self-criticism so as not to believe that we are having gestures of service when in reality it is what corresponds in the framework of egalitarian relationships. For example, tidying the kitchen is not a gesture or a favor if the other person is the one who prepared the dinner.
5. Physical contact
A kiss, a hug, a pat on the shoulder, a caress. There are different gestures that communicate appreciation, accompaniment and support. There are those who are more corporeal and need to be in close proximity. But there are also those who feel their space invaded.
Beyond each person having their preferred language to express or receive love, it is important to find the balance between all of them and pay attention to the language of the people we care about. In this way, the way to communicate our affection will be more accessible.
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Love is not exclusive romantic love
While much can be said, it is interesting to keep in mind that love is built by people of flesh and blood, so more than thinking about ideals or stereotypes, it should be based on who I have next to me.
In addition, it is very difficult to think of pure types, as if one or the other of the love languages were exclusive or did not intersect. On the other hand, also bear in mind that relationships and people change over time and it is important to know how to read these variations.
The ways of expressing love do not have to be confused with an ideal of romantic love. It has to be based on respect and be reciprocal, as in an articulated dance.
Love has little to do with the myths of romantic love, which more than help, pressure and frustrate with a catalog of demands, expectations and beliefs. Relationships require time, patience, knowledge, and a lot of communication.
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