Marriage breakdown is an arduous and painful experience, as it involves a series of feelings and emotions difficult to handle, such as insecurity, sadness, anger, anguish and disappointment. This emotional chaos often complicates coping with the situation. That is why, below, we offer you a list of tips for a healthy divorce.
Likewise, the discomfort over the breakup is intensified due to social prejudices around divorce, which are associated with failure and loneliness. Consequently, many people decide to stay together despite conflicts and misunderstandings.
However, Getting divorced does not mean that you failed, nor does it mean that you have run out of opportunities in life. On the contrary, it is a necessary experience when the relationship is hopeless. In addition, it can be the beginning of new healthy and rewarding experiences. The important thing is to face it in the best way and overcome it.
Acknowledge and accept the situation
The first thing you should do is accept that the separation is final.. The best thing is to take the necessary distance and learn to be without the other. If there are disagreements about the breakup, it is important to respect and renounce manipulations or threats.
At this stage a new identity must be accepted (stop thinking about U.S to think about him me). New projects must be acquired, new motivations found, as well as new habits and roles.
For their part, if they have children, they must recognize that the relationship as father and mother must continue. That is, the attention and affection they require is maintained, regardless of the divorce.
Also read: How long does it take to get over a divorce?
Think and decide calmly for a healthy divorce
During the separation important matters must be determined that will influence the well-being of both parties and the children. However, the many feelings that are experienced in the process often interfere negatively.
That is why it is invited to think and decide calmly, avoiding that affections and haste are the ones that direct the way of proceeding. Therefore, in times of mental and emotional dullness, avoid making important decisions and negotiations. Take your time and take them on when you feel calmer.
Review and organize your finances
This one follows from the previous advice, since one of the issues that must be addressed in the separation is finances. From the breakup it is important that you check your personal income, take into account the expenses that correspond to you from now on and point to your own financial stability and that of your children.
Ideally, both parties should be satisfied with the distribution of the goods and financial responsibilities. For a healthy divorce you have to put aside the wars in this area and reach agreements that do not harm anyone.
Speak clearly with your children so that they too live a healthy divorce
Another tip for a healthy divorce is good communication with your children. First, they should know that their parents are going to separate permanently and know the realities that this entails, such as the new family organization.
It is also recommended to talk with them about the feelings and needs that are experienced without transmitting anguish or resentment towards the other parent. For his part, assure them that they will do everything possible to solve the problems and that the love that both feel towards them has not changed.
Seeks to manage emotions intelligently
The various emotions and feelings must be handled in the best possible way. Otherwise, you run the risk of perpetuating your own discomfort and that of your children.
This does not mean denying affections, since the ideal is to express them. One way to express them properly is to recognize them and communicate them to a support figure, be it a family member, a friend, or a psychotherapist.
Having said that, having a support network is of vital importance in this process, since it offers the accompaniment and emotional support that is needed.
Discover: 6 damages that divorces can cause in the lives of children
Other aspects to consider during a divorce process
These other tips that we bring you for a healthy divorce are important and should not be neglected, despite the feelings that could cloud the judgment:
Avoid devaluing your ex partner or speaking badly in front of your children: This is a very common mistake that affects many families in the process of divorce. We must be aware that the most affected are children.
Wait for the children to adjust to the marital breakdown before introducing a new partner: children must be allowed to work out and overcome separation. Adding a new partner to the family dynamic too early can be detrimental.
Focus on your own well-being and that of your children: Avoid worrying about what your ex is doing or not doing. Focus on yourself and your children. To do this, try doing activities that you like, like reading or exercising.
Seek support: many times the intervention of professionals is necessary, such as psychologists, lawyers, financial advisers, social workers. Its function is to facilitate the divorce process from the expertise.
Each separation is unique, but it can always be a healthy divorce
One aspect that you should take into account is that the experience of divorce depends on multiple factors, such as conflicts within the relationship, the time of marriage, the quality of the bond, the reason for separation, gender, personal beliefs. In this way, the experiences of those who go through this process will vary depending on a series of variables.
In other words, divorce proceedings are unique. Avoid comparing yourself and focus on improving yourself and your children's situation. Follow these tips for a healthy divorce, and if you feel like you can't, don't isolate yourself and seek support. Currently there are many entities and institutions that offer psychological support, as well as financial and legal advice.
7 tips to overcome a traumatic divorce
A divorce is a duel, whatever its causes. It assumes that something dies but, also, that a new life of possibilities opens up before us. Read more "