The good and bad of getting back together with your ex: 7 helpful tips

Whether or not to get back with your ex depends on how the relationship was, why it ended, and what you have learned since then. We tell you the pros and cons of making this decision.

Written and verified by the psychologist Elena Sanz.

Last update: January 07, 2022

If you have recently suffered a couple breakup, it is likely that on more than one occasion the idea of ​​getting back with your ex has crossed your mind. On this matter there are conflicting opinions.

There are those who affirm that returning is always a mistake and those who believe that, after a temporary separation, it is possible to build a healthier and more mature bond. In reality, no two cases are the same; Therefore, before deciding it is important that you analyze your situation well.

It is estimated that a third of couples that break up are given a new chance later. As you can see, trying again is a fairly frequent decision. However, it is common for many people to end up hooked in a cycle of constant breakups and comebacks that hurts them deeply. In order to protect yourself and make the best decision for yourself, here are some helpful tips that you should consider.

The good thing about getting back with your ex

In some cases, giving a relationship a second chance can be the path to happiness.

Generally, when you think about resuming your relationship with your former partner, it is done from a position of lack and despair. After the breakup, a kind of withdrawal syndrome is experienced that it can lead you to do anything to avoid the discomfort you feel; of course, one of the quickest ways is to get back with your ex.

This is not a good reason to make such a decision; however, it is true that there are some reasons to give yourself a new chance may be an appropriate alternative. Discover them below.

There is a strong emotional connection

In a society based on liquid love and misunderstood independence, there is a tendency to think that everyone is replaceable. However, not with just any person you get an understanding on an intellectual, emotional and sexual level.

With your ex partner you have built a bond in which you have worked to nurture, strengthen and develop it; you know that at some point passion, intimacy and affection were present between both of them. In fact, it has been found that the emotional investment made is one of the main reasons people choose to bet on the relationship.

Mutual knowledge

The time you spent with your ex-partner allowed you to get to know each other in depth, discover the needs, goals and limits of the other. You were able to see what the dynamics between the two were like, what aspects worked and which ones you should work on. This mutual knowledge is a fundamental basis on which to build a lasting relationship and it is a path that you have already walked together.

Reflection and future projection

After the separation, it is very likely that the two of you have carried out a process of reflection and introspection about what happened. If after this analysis you can understand what the reasons for the break were and are willing to work on them, This new opportunity can allow you to build a more mature, conscious and enriching relationship. for both.

Tips to get back together with your ex

Do you consider the above to be your case? Do you think that a new opportunity between the two of you would be possible and beneficial? So, keep the following tips in mind before you act:

  • Analyze the reasons why you want to return. Make sure your decision does not stem from emotional dependence, fear of being alone, or the urge to free yourself from suffering.
  • Give yourself time and space, and give it to the other person as well. Do not seek to resume the relationship immediately, allow yourself to reflect on what happened, the responsibility of each one and the possible solutions. Without this prior step, it is highly likely that a new breakout will happen sooner rather than later.
  • Be assertive and respect the other. Begging, harassing, and chasing are not good strategies, if you want to regain a relationship. Remember that the decision to return is yours; Thus, you can have a conversation with your ex and explain what you feel, think and want, but allow him to reflect and decide freely. Be patient and respect their decision whatever it is.

The downside of getting back with your ex

Getting back with your ex may not be the best decision. Only you can know if it is worth trying again.

Getting back with your ex will not always be the best option. In some cases, this path can bring more suffering than benefits. So, keep the following in mind when analyzing where you are:

Nothing is the same

Especially if it has been a long time since the breakup, you may find that when you try again with your ex, you will find that a lot has changed. Perhaps you are no longer the same people in terms of thoughts, goals, or values; maybe the feelings of one or both have changed during this time.

In these cases, trying again will only lead to disappointment and blur the memory of a relationship that, at the time, could be great. Wouldn’t it be better, then, to keep a nice memory of what you lived?

You may end in a bitter end

If you decide to get back together and it goes wrong again, this time the ending may not be as peaceful and friendly as it could have been the first time. It is likely that the frustration of a new failed attempt will lead you to blame yourself, blame yourself and hurtful words.. In addition, the feeling of emptiness can increase after having returned to surrender the illusion, the heart and the hopes to a project that, again, fades.

Repeating patterns

If you have not both taken advantage of the time in separation to work individually, mature and learn from mistakes, it is very likely that you will end up repeating the same patterns that led you to break In the beginning.

Distrust, dissatisfaction, arguments and disinterest will return; and, what is more dangerous, you may start a damaging dynamic in which breaking up and coming back becomes a constant. This is devastating for self-esteem and psychological well-being, and ensures unhappiness.

Tips if you decide not to go back with your ex

Perhaps in light of the above considerations you have decided that getting back with your ex partner is too risky and unpromising a venture. If so, we share some recommendations that can help you move forward after this break:

  • Accept that the relationship is in the past. This first step is essential to continue. Let go of the hope of a new beginning and understand that some cycles must be closed in time. If possible, apply zero contact.

  • Allow yourself to live your grief. Pain, sadness, anger and fear will be present for the next few months, do not try to suppress or fight them. Sit them down, cry, write, lean on people you trust, or consider talking to a professional. The important thing is that you allow yourself to live those emotions and manage to manage them properly.
  • Extract a learning. Every relationship, no matter how stormy it may have been, teaches you a valuable lesson about yourself, about others, or about the world. If you take advantage of this experience, you may discover what you want for the future and what you are not willing to tolerate again.
  • Take care of yourself and focus on yourself. Now more than ever it is important that you take care of yourself (physically and mentally), that you attend to your needs, speak to yourself with love and become your greatest support. Devote your energy to growing personally and building for yourself the life you want.

Go back with your ex or not is a personal decision

There is no one who can assure you if getting back with your ex is a wise option. Only you yourself, analyzing everything you have experienced, can come to a valid conclusion. If there was affection, respect and commitment in your relationship, it may be possible to resume it.

If you were plagued by conflict, mistrust, and pain, perhaps the smartest thing to do is move on. First of all, give yourself time to decide and if you feel that you are not capable of doing it, do not hesitate to consult a professional for guidance and support.

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