Long courtship: advantages and disadvantages
Long courtship is a more common situation than you might think. Sometimes we assume that a couple is married because they have lived together for several years and share a routine similar to that of a marriage. But in reality, they have only decided to maintain their courtship for longer.
This stage is understood as temporary. That is, it will eventually have to evolve and take on a more formal nuance or, failing that, it should end. However, in some cases dating relationships extend indefinitely.
The causes are varied. For instance, some couples make the decision to improve their finances before moving forward in the relationship. In this article we will look at the advantages and disadvantages of having a prolonged courtship.
Advantages of having a long courtship
Regardless of social stigmas and what many people think about long courtships, this situation may be the best alternative for some couples. Next we will see a list with some of the advantages of this type of link.
1. Ability to establish good agreements
Couples who have spent a long time together are capable of solving adverse situations, since the decision to be together has been imposed before the inescapable conflicts of life as a couple. From there it can be inferred that the joint agreements for coexistence have been good.
2. Security in the relationship of the couple
One of the fundamental pillars of any relationship is security. Consequently, couples who have been together for a long time have good emotional bases.
This is that, in conditions of a healthy relationship, they can feel safe from each other and know that they will continue to move forward.
3. Shared goals
Over time, couples begin to set goals together. As they do them, the relationship grows stronger.
However, in a healthy couple the members are able to understand and accept that each one can have individual goals in some areas of your life.
4. Family acceptance
Long dating relationships tend to be well accepted by the family. Therefore, regardless of the differences, the adaptation process ends up being carried out.
It is not necessary to like the whole family of our partner, but it will take a tolerance quota from time to time.
5. Affective emancipation
Affective emancipation refers to the ability to love oneself, even with a partner. Accordingly, the members of the relationship tend to achieve a good level of self-care.
This is being able to be independent in terms of well-being and allow the couple to accompany and complement our happiness.
Read: Living together as a couple
Disadvantages of having a long courtship
As not everything in life can be the color of rosesIt is also necessary to take into account those negative aspects of prolonged dating relationships. Let's see below a list with some of the unprofitable situations.
1. Problems of adaptation to routines
One of the main setbacks of a long dating relationship is the difficulty of adjusting to certain routines. When the couple spend too much time together without the relationship transcending, conflicts begin because everything has become routine.
In reality, routines are not a problem. What happens is that there is a resistance to change; it is difficult for human beings to process that some things must change to maintain themselves.
2. Romantic love diminishes
When couples have been together for a long time, it is normal for the romanticism to diminish; This does not imply that they have stopped loving each other. But it indicates that it is time to prioritize other aspects of the relationship.
In this sense, couples who base the permanence of the relationship on romanticism present conflicts continuously.
3. Social pressure becomes intense
One of the most characteristic disadvantages of long-term dating relationships is the pressure exerted by people around. Some friends and family often ask questions like: "Do you already have a wedding date?", "Where are they going to get married?", "Will they have children before marriage?".
4. Doubts about the relationship
Over time, the couple's expectations often change. In some cases these changes coincide and in others they do not.
Of course, when expectations match there is no problem. But when one of the members wants to talk about marriage and the other doesn't, conflicts and insecurities are the order of the day.
5. Fear of losing independence
It is a fact that some dating relationships are prolonged out of fear. Specifically, the fear of losing independence. That is, marriage is often associated with decreased freedom.
This is linked to a stigma. When couples are in the courtship stage they still perceive themselves as free individuals. Therefore, if they decided to separate, there would be no major complications.
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How do you know if marriage is a good option?
As we have seen in this article, long dating may work for some people, while for others it is unsustainable. In this sense, if we have doubts about the marriage, it is best to do a retrospective of the relationship and evaluate how the relationship has been.
Those relationships that work well over a long period of time are more likely to have an ideal marriage. On the contrary, those that show conflictual dynamics over time will be more likely to marital conflict.
We decided to get married out of love, out of tradition, out of legality and even out of social pressure. What is behind this event that will change our life? Read more "