Law of ice in relationships: what it is and how to deal with it

If someone you live with has withdrawn the word from you for a week, they have applied what is known as “ice law”. Do you want to know what it consists of and how to prevent it from affecting you?

Last update: 20 September, 2022

Has someone you love been angry with you and withheld your word for a few days? Despite the fact that you try to communicate with that person, because you live together, he ignores you as if you were not next to him. It is a very painful situation, harmful to the relationship and that generates great frustration.. This has a name: Ice law. Let’s see what it consists of.

Ice cold is a form of psychological abuse. The normalization of this type of behavior is not at all healthy in a relationship or in any other.

What is the ice law?

After this brief introduction, we can conclude that ice cold is that situation in which one person ignores another for several days or weeks because he got angry. It is a behavior that they have internalized, that they consider normal and that, therefore, they apply in all their relationships. Sometimes, this has been learned because one of the parents also manifested it.

What does a person intend to communicate with the law of the ice? To begin with, that she is angry about this difference of opinion that she has had.

Next, thanks to the fact of ignoring the other, tries to punish him in this way, blocking any type of communication. This is not very effective, because if there is something that allows the resolution of problems, it is talking with the other.

Ice law is not a way to resolve conflicts. On the contrary, it deepens them.


What are the consequences of ignoring the other?

Ignoring another person for days or weeks is very painful, since we are talking about people who live in the same house. The consequences that this may have are collected by the study Collision, collusion and complementarity in conjugal relations.

Next, we collect and explain each of them:

  • It is a lack of respect: Pretending as if another person did not exist is disrespectful and cannot be allowed in any type of relationship. This denotes that there are likely to be toxic attitudes and that the bond with the other person is also toxic.
  • Damages self-esteem and confidence: whoever suffers from the law of the ice may feel incapable of knowing what to do, with the need to lower himself and ask for forgiveness so that the communication occurs again. This has a direct impact on self-esteem.
  • Impact on coexistence: living with someone who practices ice cold is a problem. Over time, this coexistence will be difficult, to the point where the relationship will crack until it breaks completely.
  • Affects happiness: the home is perceived as a safe space of calm where to take shelter. But when another person practices ice cold, this is no longer the case. Restlessness and sadness will affect your own happiness.


What to do with a person who practices ice cream?

At this point, it’s time to face reality and take action to prevent icebreakers from affecting self-esteem, happiness, confidence, and well-being. In addition, a diagnosis of anxiety or stress can worsen when these types of situations occur.

The first thing is talk about that attitude when there is no discussion involved. It can be after a meal or in a quiet moment.

To effectively communicate what is happening, it is important to be assertive. But what happens if the other person shuts down and doesn’t want to know anything? Then, you have to apply the following advice.

The second alternative is to set limits. For example, if a conversation starts to heat up and heads toward an argument, it’s important to slow down. Tell “I think we are turning on, we are going to leave it here and we will return to it when we are calmer” it is right.

The third option is to end the coexistence. Sometimes it is preferable to live apart. When a brother practices ice cold, this can be the best way to prevent the relationship from breaking up. There are types of relationships in which you have to check if it is convenient to continue there or the only way out is the end point.

Time limits prevent problems from escalating. The law of the ice, if it lasts, affects mental health.

Can this be worked on?

In therapy you can work the law of ice. However, for the results to be fruitful, the person who practices it must be aware that what he is doing is not a healthy way to resolve a conflict. If this does not happen, it will be very difficult to take advantage of the help.

The potential consequences are serious. We can all have toxic attitudes learned or derived from emotional mismanagement.

The law of the ice is a passive-aggressive attitude that is more frequent than we think. However, we should not normalize it.

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