How to treat my partner's children?
The concept of family has changed and diversified over the years. Among the many new models reconstituted families are found, that is, those in which one or both adults have children from previous relationships. If you find yourself in this situation, probably one of the most common questions is the following: "How should I treat my partner's children?".
It is, without a doubt, a demanding and challenging situation. However, it can also be a pleasant and enriching experience. To rescue and enhance the most positive aspects and avoid, as far as possible, the most common problems, we offer you some basic guidelines.
How to have a relationship with someone who has children?
Each relationship is different, but when there are other people involved in the equation (in this case, the children) there are a series of challenges that others do not have to face.
Nevertheless, with love, respect and communication on both sides it is possible to enjoy of a wonderful bond. To achieve this, keep the following aspects in mind.
Accept the situation
If you are also a father or mother, you will be more aware of what family life implies. Nevertheless, If your partner has children and you do not, you may find it difficult to get used to the idea of how this will affect the relationship. Children need care, attention and presence.
The work of a parent is continuous. They may not be able to go out late. Their plans will include children's activities and it may happen that, in the middle of the night, one of the children ends up moving into your bed.
Accepting that you are not only joining one person, but a whole family, can be complicated, but it is essential. You cannot reproach him for these aspects or ask him to disregard his children in favor of the relationship. Understanding and support are essential.
Starting a relationship with a person who has children can put you in an uncertain and ambiguous position. Therefore, it is important that you talk with your partner and establish some basic points.
For example, what each one expects from the relationship, what role are you going to adopt in the lives of their children or how far your responsibility reaches them. Clarifying these aspects from the beginning can avoid misunderstandings and reproaches in the future.
Keep reading: How to set limits for a healthy relationship
Take care of the couple relationship
Although you are not the father or mother of the creatures, there will be many moments of coexistence. It is possible that you and your partner fall into the absorbing routine of caring for the children and neglect the bond between you.
Finding spaces and time to be alone to keep building emotional intimacy is very necessary, so that they do not fall into dissatisfaction.
Discover more: Pleasant activities: the key to well-being in the couple
4 tips for treating your partner's children
It is normal that at first you do not know how to treat your partner's children, since it is a situation that can generate concern in all those involved. Therefore, we share some tips that can help you have a more pleasant experience.
1. Go step by step
Adapting to this new family structure can be difficult for everyone. That is why it is necessary that you give yourself time.
Make sure that the approaches to your partner's children occur progressively. First in neutral places and, later, beginning small moments of conviviality before fully sharing the home.
Likewise, don't expect the relationship to flow beautifully from the get-go. If this happens, great! But the treatment is likely to be colder and more distant at first. It's natural, be patient with yourself and with them.
2. Be understanding
Often the first reaction of children to the new partner of one of their parents is rejection. Don't take it personally.
Try to understand that it is a complicated circumstance for them, which implies the loss of what is known and before which they may feel fear and mistrust. Give them space and try to show yourself available, but not invasive.
3. Build a relationship
Children are people and, as with adults, the affinity can be higher or lower. Nevertheless, it is good to try to find common ground that allow them to build their own bond.
Maybe you share an interest that you can chat about or a hobby that you both like. Spending time together doing activities will help build a relationship of trust and closeness.
4. Take your place
It is important that you keep in mind that you are not the father or mother of these children, so the final authority and decisions correspond to their parents. However, as one of the adults in your care and as a partner of your parent, there needs to be respect.
Treating your partner's children is a challenge
Treating your partner's children it will require patience, understanding and perseverance. But, in any case, remember to prioritize yourself and take care of your mental health and your emotional well-being throughout the process.
Make sure you communicate fluently and assertively with your partner and seek professional accompaniment if you feel you need it.
Decades ago it seemed unthinkable to have a child without being in a relationship. Now, co-parenting opens up new possibilities. Read more "