How to regain your friendships when you are a mom

Has motherhood left you without friends? These types of social ties are very beneficial for physical and emotional health; For this reason, we tell you how to regain your friendships after being a mother.

Written and verified by the psychologist Elena Sanz on September 18, 2021.

Last update: September 18, 2021

Do you know the importance of maintaining friendships when you are a mother? Motherhood involves making certain sacrifices. Priorities change, routines change, and free time is drastically reduced.

This leads to many women find it difficult to combine their new role with continuing to maintain a social life and end up giving it up.

After the birth of a child, a period of adaptation is necessary in which parents have to focus all their attention on caring for the baby and creating new routines and habits. However, it is important that they gradually reconnect with their loved ones and enjoy full development in all areas of their lives.

After all, motherhood isn't everything and a dissatisfied mother cannot offer her children the best parenting conditions. Therefore, go ahead and return to your friendships!

Why are friendships lost when you are a mom?

Burnout and lack of time can affect your relationship with your friends.

Perhaps before becoming a mother you assured that you would never lose contact with your friends; and, now, without really knowing how, you find that the relationship has become cold and distant, almost inexistent. Do not worry or blame yourself: it is something much more common than you think.

Every particular situation is different. Nevertheless, there are certain common reasons behind the loss of friendships when you are mom. Recognizing who is acting in your case can be the first step to begin to reverse the situation. We show you the most frequent ones below:

  • Lack of free time and exhaustion derived from having to face work, family and domestic responsibilities. When the weekend arrives, many mothers only want to be able to rest or spend with their children the hours that they do not have on a daily basis.
  • The belief that the role of wife and mother is incompatible or substitute for the rest. Having a family does not imply that you should dedicate 100% of your time to it and isolate yourself from the rest of the world. Maintaining meaningful and deep contact with other people can greatly enrich your life.
  • Incompatibility with previous friendships. If you are the only woman in your group of friends who has been a mother, their talking points, interests, and activities may no longer fit your lifestyle.

Why is it important to maintain or regain friendships when you are a mother?

Have you recognized yourself in any of the previous assumptions? If so, it is understandable that the reasons that led you to lose your friends seemed valid at the time. Nevertheless, remember that these bonds of friendship can bring you and why they are worth growing.

They keep you connected to who you are

It is common that when becoming mothers many women feel that their identity is diluted and that they can no longer remember who they are beyond motherhood.

Keep your friends allows you to be in contact with people who know you and appreciate you for who you are; individuals who on many occasions have seen you grow and know your qualities and defects, dreams and fears. They help you remember your essence and stay in touch with it.

They offer you a space of your own

Spending time with the family is wonderful, but all people they need their own space to develop their hobbies and skills and to nourish themselves of different environments. Your friends are the ones with whom you can enjoy a pleasant conversation, a fun activity or a time of disconnection from your responsibilities.

They are a source of support

One of the main benefits of friendship ties is emotional support. When feelings confuse or overwhelm you, have someone who listens to you, empathizes with you and offers you advice or a new perspective is extremely refreshing and positive.

They benefit your physical and emotional health

On the other hand, it has been shown that social relationships help protect your health, to recover from illness and to stay mentally healthy. Having quality friends increases your self-esteem and your mood, helps you cope with adversity and stress, and increases your satisfaction with life.

How do you regain your friendships when you are a mom?

A meeting with friends may be what you need to feel like yourself again.

Regaining your friendships once they have cooled down can make you dizzy. However, there are a few simple steps you can start with:

  • Prioritize your friends. It is important that you are clear about the importance of maintaining these social ties and make the decision to prioritize them. It will not always be easy to find a place to call and catch up; On many occasions it will be more tempting to stay at home than to go out for coffee. However, once the inertia has been overcome, you will be glad you took the step.
  • Use assertive communication. If you have withdrawn from your friends, you need to analyze what has happened. You may have neglected these relationships, and in that case, you should be able to acknowledge your mistake and apologize. On the contrary, if it is your friends who have distanced themselves, it is important that you have an honest conversation about what the reasons are. You will probably discover that the apparent problems are not so insurmountable and that the requests of both parties are understandable.
  • Involve your friends in your new life. You don't need to separate your role as mother from your role as friend, even if you are the only person with children in your group. Invite your friends to get involved in your new reality, make them part of your family life and show them that there is still a place for them in your world.
  • Respect the lifestyle of your friends. If they do not have children, try to also be interested in their problems, dreams and experiences, even if they differ from your life. Be empathetic and focus on what unites you and that you still share.

If you can't regain your friendships, create new bonds

Finally, it is important to note that it is not always possible to resume your friendships when you are a mother, either because the relationship is very deteriorated or because each person has taken different paths of life.

If this happens, remember that you can always find new friends who share your interests and experiences. These types of friendships, based on shared motherhood, are different but very beneficial. Go ahead and expand your social circle.