How to recognize a disguised narcissist?

A covert narcissist often hides behind false humility. What signs allow us to recognize it? Discover them!

Last update: December 22, 2021

A covert narcissist is one who hides this personality trait under a facade. To be more precise, it is someone who demands attention and grandeur, but in a very subtle way. It is “covert” because to the naked eye it presents itself in one way, but then, as a little more is known, it is possible to understand that it needs to be the center.

Usually confused with his sociability and extroversion, and captivates with his charm. However, this “pseudo” security hides a poor self-esteem, since its superiority needs to be nurtured. How to recognize these people? Let’s see!

What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

First of all, it is worth noting that narcissistic personality disorder is often difficult to diagnose, since those who suffer from it do not recognize their problem. Even when they start therapy, they tend to devalue their therapist.

However, this type of disorder usually manifests itself towards the end of adolescence (around the age of 20) and is strengthened over the years, especially emphasized by the type of society in which we are, which values ​​people with superiority And power.

According to diagnostic manuals, a person with narcissistic personality disorder is identified by the following qualities:

  • He has enormous worth of himself. Magnify all your actions.
  • He usually takes advantage of interpersonal relationships, so he is not usually empathetic.
  • He is usually arrogant, superior, with an air of greatness. He is a good “seller” of himself.
  • You think you have more rights than the others
  • He is concerned about his image and appearance
  • Many times is able to establish rules that others must follow, but in his case he skips them.
  • Sometimes he shows sympathy but with the sole purpose of reaching his achievements.
  • It is usually inflexible, of little listening.
  • Has fantasies of grandeur and success. They are ambitious.
  • He is clear about how he feels, what he wants.
Narcissistic people are often manipulative and arrogant. However, they sometimes disguise their personality with a false humility.

How to recognize a disguised narcissist?

The undercover narcissist presents himself as if he is not, even though secretly or covertly seeks adulation and admiration from others. Some of the signs that may indicate that you are facing this type of narcissistic disorder are the following:

  • It tends to have a false humility.
  • He believes that he is unique and special, that he should only have relationships with those people “who are equal to him.”
  • Many times he starts conversations wondering how you are doing, although he quickly interrupts you and shifts the focus of the conversation to him. All dialogue ends up becoming a monologue.
  • You do not easily accept the possibility of having made a mistake. If he does, he often shifts the blame onto others, so that his mistake is presented as “a natural obvious consequence.”
  • Most of the time, he does not mind respecting the rules, nor does he take responsibility for the consequences of breaking them.
  • Many times a narcissist undercover He is insensitive towards the needs of others. He also shows his airs of superiority.


Tips for dealing with an undercover narcissist

A covert narcissist may be closer than you think. The problem is that you can manipulate or exercise control. Therefore, it is important to find strategies that allow a favorable bond. Some of the recommendations are as follows:

  • Set limits, do not allow these types of people to overdo their requests.
  • When making a criticism, it must be done with diplomacy, with great tact, trying not to offend, since they are especially sensitive and personal.
  • Many times, they are manipulative people with the sole desire to obtain what they want. In this way, You have to avoid giving in, letting yourself be convinced or falling into blame. Once you say yes, there is no going back.
  • To avoid confrontations, it is better not to enter the game of “comparisons”. However, whether it is your partner, a friend or a boss, it will be very important to take care of your own self-esteem so as not to believe many of the statements or derogatory comments that a narcissistic personality can make.
  • These types of personalities are usually kind to those who help you achieve your goals or, in work settings, with those subordinates who show loyalty. For this reason, if it is your boss who has a narcissistic disorder, it is best to show him that you are on his side to make the days more “bearable.”
Establishing clear limits is decisive to avoid being victims of a narcissistic person.


Taking care of the balance between “good and bad narcissism”

It is evident that a certain dose of egocentricity and narcissism is positive and even adaptive for life in general. It allows you to value yourself, feel esteem for yourself, “look at your own pupo a little” or put your own needs and desires first.

However, when all external registration is completely nullified and reached an extreme, conflicts ensue that ruin many relationships. And it is that the lack of sensitivity towards others, the lack of demonstrations of gratitude or affection are usually a common currency.

Therefore, if you find yourself in a relationship with someone who has harmful narcissism, you have to think about setting certain limits or maintaining a safe distance to avoid feeling bad or seeing your self-esteem “trampled”.

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