How to overcome my partner’s past?

Getting over your partner’s past can be tricky when you don’t have the tools to do it. Therefore, this article can give you the keys to solve this, starting with seeking professional help.

Last update: December 19, 2021

Do you feel unable to overcome your partner’s past? Sometimes you may feel hindsight jealousy for relationships you have had in the past, but are not part of the present. Others, if your partner has fallen into drugs or has been unfaithful, this can generate some distrust. It is something complicated to manage, unpleasant, but that it is possible to solve.

Something that you must be clear from now on is that everything that is stirring you inside is not part of the present. It is true that your partner has been able to make mistakes or has been able to have certain behaviors from which they have learned. This is what you should keep. How does she talk about her past? Think of you, you also have a past.

The past must always be left behind

The only way forward is to let go of the past.

Is it possible that you end up forgetting about your partner’s past? Not really, in fact, it pays to have a realistic perspective on this. The Educar Association explains it very clearly. Living completely in the present, without paying attention to the past, is not real. However, this does not mean that you cannot overcome it.

What you should keep in mind is that all people make mistakes, even yourself. If your partner has been unfaithful to other people, has cheated, lied or taken drugs, that does not mean that it will happen again. There are many ways that you can realize this and it is important to talk about it with the other person so that you can feel calm.

Tips to overcome your partner’s past

When you are not able to overcome your partner’s past, fear may invade you, that you start to feel insecure in the relationship or that you become intolerable to the possible defects that it may have. In the end, this will only plunge you into a totally damaging type of relationship where no one is going to win. Fortunately, this has a solution.

The past does not define your partner

One of the ways to overcome your partner’s past is to be clear that their past does not define them. What’s more, if you see the circumstances that have already been left behind with perspective, you will realize that if the person you have fallen in love with had not gone through certain things, perhaps you would not be with them. He would have another type of personality or another way of thinking that would not fit you.

So that you can empathize with your partner, think about a time in your life that has been difficult. Has that become a drag on you? Surely not, possibly you have learned from that mistake or from that circumstance that you have had to go through, which has enriched you as a person. Therefore, put yourself in the place of your partner, you will see everything more clearly.

Find out why it affects you

Some things from your partner’s past can affect you in a particular way in relation to your own way of being.

It is not strange that certain aspects of your partner’s past affect you much more than others. This may have to do with you, with some self-esteem or insecurity problem. For example, if the other person confesses to you and admits that they have been unfaithful to an ex-partner, if you have a low self-concept of yourself, you may find it difficult to overcome your partner’s past.

Also, sometimes this it may have to do with your need to have everything under control or with the disappointment that he had not told you that particular aspect of his past on the first dates. Finding out why what your partner has said affects you will allow you to reflect on it. Remember that if you are unable to reach a reasonable conclusion on your own, you can ask for help.

Seek professional help

More and more people go to the psychologist. It seems that the barrier created by the shame that this produced by the beliefs about being crazy that were always present has been overcome. Because, Faced with any difficulty such as not being able to overcome your partner’s past, do not hesitate to go to a good professional.

It will be able to help you shed some light on all those reasons that are making the other person’s past affect you so much. It is not something positive for you, it may end the relationship, so if you can seek help as soon as possible, the better. These types of situations will help you and, also, can strengthen your bond with the other person.

Overcoming the past isn’t always easy. There are beliefs that can lead you to feel bad without really knowing why. Sometimes, putting on the table certain things that go through your mind and reflecting on them can solve many things. However, if you can’t do it alone, find someone who can help you.

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