How to manage jealousy after an infidelity

When a hoax occurs within the couple, This fact acts like an earthquake, shaking the foundations on which the relationship was built. In fact, it is extremely easy for distrust and jealousy to arise after an infidelity.

The intensity of the suspicions will depend in part on how we were before betrayal: if we usually trusted our partner or if jealousy was already part of our day to day. But we were as we were, it is likely that before an infidelity we will become more suspicious.

It matters little at what stage of the relationship the couple was, a deception always general pain, and more if it is emotional or sexual. And if we analyze it coldly, we are not prepared for the person we trust most to lie to us.

Relationship Models

Until recently, the predominant couple model was monogamous heterosexual marriage. But nevertheless, society has evolved and more and more people establish relationships beyond that archetype.

That way, today we can find couples more easily swingers or people who practice polyamory in any of its different structures.

But if all affective relationships have something in common, it is that Its members must explicitly or implicitly agree on what type of agreements underpin their union. And obviously, one of the basic points that should be addressed will be the model of emotional and sexual relationship that you want to establish.

What do we understand by infidelity?

The concept of infidelity may vary between one couple and another. While for some it implies that your partner has relations with a third party, for others it is even the fact of contacting people online with a sexual intention.

Infidelity is a concept that each couple must determine what is and what is not. So, for many people It will consist of one of the spouses having sex with a member outside the couple.

On the other hand, for others it will also be flirting, contacting people online with a sexual intention or having an emotional engagement with someone other than their partner.

All relationships go through different stages and The covenant on fidelity does not have to be static, it can evolve if there is an agreement. The problem comes when one of the two parties breaks the agreed rules and betrayal occurs.

Read also: Couples who survive an infidelity exist

How to manage jealousy after an infidelity

If we focus on a trait as important as jealousy, it is easy for them to arise and settle in the life of the couple after an infidelity. Thus, Let's look at some of the emotional aspects that we must work with more effort to combat them.

1. Improve our self-knowledge

An infidelity is an excellent time to analyze the origin of our insecurities and the reason why they become jealous. If we don't know each other better and understand what causes us pain, we can hardly overcome the crisis.

2. Recover trust in our partner

Jealousy has a very important distrust component. To trust our partner again, It is essential that we can comment on every aspect of the relationship that concerns us, and together let's decide how to deal with it.

Trust is one of the most affected parts after an infidelity. However, it is necessary to recover it to avoid later problems due to jealousy.

3. Learn to use the "me messages"

Communicating properly with our partner will be essential for the management of the situation. These types of messages consist of describe what happens, putting our feelings before the fact itself, without falling into any accusation towards the other. By using them we facilitate more fluid and less conflictive communication.

4. Forget the reproaches

When they have betrayed us, it is easy for us to recriminate to the other person the pain that has caused us. But nevertheless, doing so will increase the wound, It will create unnecessary discussions and increase discomfort.

5. Respect the freedom of the spouse

To distrust the other person and want to control them at all times will only distance them from us. As much as your infidelity hurt us, understand that it does not belong to us and respect its independence They will be two good principles to rebuild the relationship.

Also read: Useful tips to cope with jealousy

6. Love, not need

When we are jealous we can forget the difference between love and need. People We must learn to love our spouse without falling into emotional dependence. This will not get more than the opposite effect: away our partner.

Loving is not the same as depending. As a couple it is very important to have this clear, since in the long run it can be harmful.

7. Pierce the pain

It is completely normal that we feel sad, distressed or angry when we have been deceived. However, we must Learn to feel the emotions and then let them go. Otherwise, we run the risk of being installed in our day to day.

8. Forgive

Take more or less, in the end we will only have two options: either forgive or end the relationship. Living without forgiving is not viable in the long term, since it will cause much more pain and discomfort in both members of the couple.

9. Accept

We can only be at peace with our spouse if we accept that We are all humans and that we can make mistakes without calibrating the consequences of our actions.

10. Thank

Give thanks for everything lived and learned in this difficult situation It will help us to be in harmony with ourselves and our partner, So surely the link will be strengthened and we will be more prepared to face future adversities.

If we are able to manage jealousy after an infidelity and regain confidence in our partner, we will have learned a great life lesson and will undoubtedly be stronger and wiser.