How to heal the wound of abandonment

Recovering from abandonment is quite a process. We present you 6 things that you must take into account to overcome it.

Reviewed and approved by the psychologist Elena Sanz on November 14, 2021.

Last update: November 14, 2021

Healing the wound of a partner’s abandonment is not easy at all. It is not the same to overcome a love breakup that has been consensual than to do it in one that has ended unexpectedly.. If you are going through this stage of grief, here are some tips to heal the wound of abandonment.

As the experts point out, the style of rejection in a love breakup conditions the anguish you experience after it. Among all the styles, abandonment is the one that generates the most impact, so it is also the most difficult to overcome. We hope that our steps to overcome the wound of abandonment will be of great help to you in the process.

6 steps to heal the wound of abandonment

Each grieving process is unique. Some people are able to recover in a couple of weeks, others take months or even years to get over it. The first thing you have to do is take this into account, this way you avoid comparing your process with that of another person close to you.

Many variables determine how quickly you can heal the abandonment wound. For example, and according to the researchers, the time of the relationship affects how quickly you manage to lift your head. Ultimately, the more years are involved in the relationship, the longer it will take you to get over it.

May all this serve as a prelude to assimilate the steps to heal the wound of abandonment that we will present to you. The important thing is that you assume the commitment to apply them, understand that they will benefit you and that, above all, you must continue with your life. It is the latter that should encourage you to overcome a breakup.

1. Start by accepting it

The first step in overcoming a problem is to fully acknowledge it. Accepting reality is the easiest way to face it.

Yes, accepting that you have been abandoned is the first step in healing the wound of abandonment. Of course it is not easy at all, but it is the starting point that will help you walk the path. If you don’t, you will never fully understand that the relationship ended, and you will always be emotionally attached to it.

Dropout is a very complex process. Its consequences can be felt for years and will be stronger depending on the circumstances (a moment of crisis, a child involved, an illness and others). In this way, it is likely that you will not be able by yourself to accept this reality that you have had to live.

Because of this, the mediation of a therapist can be of great help. Do not close yourself to this possibility, as it can help you channel your emotions and make you value the moment in perspective. Of course, accepting abandonment is not something you necessarily have to do on the first day. Wait for the waters to calm down before taking the first step.

2. Make passes with your feelings and emotions

Overcoming a separation involves embracing your feelings and emotions, not hiding them. It is very important that you learn to express your feelings in time, since ignoring them does not mean that they disappear. Suppressing feelings can alter the way you access memories, according to researchers.

In this sense, you can idealize the relationship, exaggerate some moments and even forget them. Don’t be afraid to cry if you feel like crying, this is a natural way to drain your frustration.. Of course, it prevents emotions from controlling you 24 hours a day. As you drain your feelings, you will feel better, to the point that you will not find reasons to continue crying.

3. Work on your self-esteem

As the evidence indicates, the breaking process always involves an alteration of the self-concept. This is predictable, especially when you have a lot of time spending with that person. In these cases, all aspects of your life are shared with her, which also implies the emotional plane.

It is very common that your self-esteem is compromised after a process of abandonment. There are many ways you can strengthen it, so here are some ideas. You must be attentive to this factor, since it is possible that if you neglect it it will evolve into episodes of depression and anxiety. This is why the mediation of a therapist is very important.

4. Create moments of distraction

Since you have already accepted the situation, the natural step is to create moments of distraction that prevent you from constantly thinking about it. It is at this point that your friends and family can be of great help, since with their support you can find reasons to have fun despite the circumstances.

A trip to the movies, a walk in nature, or a moment of distraction at night can make a radical difference in your emotional stability. You must complement this by cutting the ties that still unite you with that person. Of course, this also includes digital ties.

The researchers agree that getting rid of digital possessions is an essential step to heal the wound of abandonment. For example, stop checking that person’s social media profiles. This will not help you to recover quickly at all.

5. Don’t look guilty

Each case of abandonment is very particular, so obsessing over who could influence the process the most will always be counterproductive.

One of the most common mistakes after going through abandonment is blaming yourself. You will navigate in an ocean of justifications that will shift the guilt of abandonment onto your shoulders. How could it be otherwise, you should never look guilty in this process, especially when you start to consider yourself as such.

It is one thing to reflect on the relationship, the ups and downs, or the way the problems were dealt with and it is another thing to point an accusing finger. In the first case, you collect lessons and learnings, in the second you do nothing but assume positions of conscience that have no validity whatsoever.

6. Give yourself time to get through the process

Apart from all the advice to heal the wound of abandonment that we have given you, perhaps the most important is to give yourself some time to overcome the process. As we have already pointed out, each person assimilates it differently, so that it may take a while before you fully replenish.

Many choose to get on with their life immediately without paying attention to their emotions or feelings. They choose to initiate romantic or sexual relationships to leave the memory of their ex-partner in the past. Although you are free to do so, keep in mind that ideally you should fully heal before deciding to start your new life.

We hope that these steps to recover from an abandonment will be useful to you when dealing with its consequences. Be patient and do not be afraid to come face to face with your ghosts, it is the only way you will be able to stand up and decide to bet on your stability.

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