7 tips for a satisfying relationship

A satisfying relationship is one in which both partners feel valued, loved, respected, and safe. Discover the keys to building a link of this type.

Written and verified by the psychologist Elena Sanz.

Last update: February 17, 2022

A couple’s bond can be a source of great joy or great torment. On the one hand, the partner offers love, support, validation, and companionship. This makes you feel valuable, safe and happy. On the other hand, if things do not go well, the day to day can turn into a nightmare. Thus, it is important to know the keys to having a satisfactory relationship.

Far from what you can think having a happy relationship does not depend on chance. You, with your daily decisions, build links that are worthwhile or settle for a mediocre version of what could be. When you see a solid and healthy couple, don’t envy their apparent good fortune, and instead notice what actions they take to nurture that relationship.

How to have a satisfying relationship?

Respect and kindness are the foundation of a satisfying couple

If you also want to enjoy happiness, security and fulfillment in your relationship, here are some steps that will bring you closer to your goal. Pay attention.

Do personal work

When there are couple problems, there is a tendency to blame the other for everything going wrong; but, in reality, each one must take responsibility for her life. For this reason, in order to have a satisfactory relationship, it is essential to carry out personal work; this is, take care of your wounds, shortcomings and needs before connecting with anyone.

You can do this on your own, but it is always easier to do it in the company of a professional. Working on yourself will allow you not to need a partner and, with this, not establishing relationships due to dependency or fear of loneliness. You will be more aware of what you need and more capable of making good decisions.

Also, having your own resources and tools it will make you not place the responsibility of making you happy on your partner. You will be two complete people who share a life and this completely changes the landscape.

Pick the right person

Normally, the choice of partner is not given importance. It is believed that it is an irrational decision resulting from uncontrollable love and in which little needs to be done. However, it is one of the most important choices in life.

Thus, it is crucial to choose a person who has good values ​​and demonstrates them with deeds. After all, you do not want to give yourself to a selfish, manipulative or cruel person in the name of love. It must be someone with whom you are compatible, that share your same priorities and life projects, and have a similar notion of what the couple is.

Pay attention at this point You will avoid a lot of suffering and conflict in the future. It is preferable to choose the right person from the beginning than to spend the years trying to change the person next to you because they do not suit your needs.

adjust expectations

Maintaining realistic and reasonable expectations is essential to enjoying a satisfying relationship. Sometimes, current bond is compared to an idealized concept impossible to reach.

You have to be aware that relationships evolve: the infatuation at the beginning, intense and effervescent, gives way to a more mature and calm connection based on intimacy and mutual support. This is natural and healthy. If you expect everything to continue as it was at the beginning, you will only live in frustration and you will be losing the opportunity to fully enjoy the following stages.

On the other hand, it is important to know your partner and, also, to know yourself. Also, you should know what you are going to offer and what you can expect to receive. Being clear about the kind of dynamic you both want to establish will help avoid misunderstandings and unfulfilled expectations.

Learn to handle the languages ​​of love

Understand and care for your partner to achieve happiness.

In a couple, the expression of affection is essential for both partners to feel loved and validated. However, if you do not know how to transmit it properly, the other person may feel shortcomings in this aspect, despite the fact that your love for them is deep and intense.

Gary Champagne discovered that There are five love languages ​​and each person preferably uses one of them. Find out which is yours and which is your partner’s. Try to communicate your feelings in such a way that the other can receive them, understand them and feel them as real.

Reinforcement and positive dynamics

Over time, many couples fall into a routine that leads them to forget the reasons why they chose each other and begin to treat each other inappropriately. Conflicts are daily and any word, action or gesture of the other causes tension.

This type of negative dynamic, full of reproaches and criticism, feeds on itself. For this reason, it is important to prevent them. being tolerant, patient and understanding with the other person.

Some studies have found that expecting the best from the partner helps increase satisfaction. That is, interpret what happens from a flexible and positive perspective, without taking it personally and knowing that you will have the tools to solve any obstacle.

If one day your partner is colder or more irritable than usual, do not think that he no longer loves you, do not respond with more irritation or with claims. Be lenient, put yourself in their shoes And keep in mind that maybe he just had a bad day at work.

Practice assertive communication

Despite following the above steps to the letter, it is inevitable that at some point in the relationship conflicts, disagreements or discrepancies arise. In these cases, assertive communication becomes the best ally. this invites you to express yourself clearly, firmly and respectfully. To expose what you feel and need while also listening to the needs of the other.

It is the most efficient way to reach agreements and find solutions without getting hurt. Therefore, if you or your partner find it difficult to express yourself in this way, it is recommended that you start working on it.

Kindness should always be present

As a final recommendation, remember that the key to a successful relationship is kindness. This is what John and Julie Gottman have found in their research that they claim that agreeableness is the most important predictor of stability and satisfaction in marriage. When the other treats you this way, you feel cared for, valued and safe.

Being kind to your partner does not imply being complacent or condescending or hiding your anger; but to choose the words and the appropriate tone, take their feelings into account and care about their well-being, even in moments of discussion. Therefore, do not hesitate to put this principle into practice.

Consummate love is the basis of a satisfying relationship

In short, to achieve a satisfactory relationship you have to make sure you achieve what Sternberg called “consummate love”; this combines in balance the three basic elements of love: passion, intimacy and commitment. Thus, it is important to cultivate each of them and make sure that they are always present.

Physical contact and the desire to be with each other, complicity and emotional connection, and the firm intention of building a future together are the foundations for happiness as a couple. Try every day that your actions contribute to feeding these ingredients and you will have reached your goal.

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