5 tips to face the death of the couple
The death of the couple is not just saying goodbye to a very special person. It is also a matter of saying goodbye to a past, a present and a future together. It is a goodbye to a plan of life, to projects in common, to unforgettable experiences, to moments only of the two, to memories even among your things.
Overcoming all this is not easy. It is not and it will not be. You will need time, mourning, and there will be pain. However, you must overcome it because life goes on.
The death of the couple
How to overcome the death of a loved one? What's more, how to overcome the death of your partner, your friend, your lover, your accomplice, your partner? It seems impossible, but it is not.
Each person is a world and faces loss and grief in a different way. However, the truth is that there are certain guidelines and techniques that can help us to overcome the death of the couple in a better way.
Because, inevitably, you have to keep in mind that you must close the wound in the correct way. Otherwise, the duel will not be completed and may even lead to problems in the future: phobias, fears, insecurities, inability to compromise, etc.
The duel (time, patience and condescension)
The mourning stage is different according to each person, being more or less intense and lasting more or less time.
Grief is a physical, emotional and social reaction to the death of a person we have loved. Depending on each one, the reaction will be more or less intense, it will have some characteristics or others and it will take more or less time.
But nevertheless, Time is always necessary. That is, you must give yourself time, you must understand that what happened is not easy, understand that you must be condescending with your own self.
Do not forget that grief is a necessary experience, although traumatic. Because, You must understand that there will be pain, a wound that must heal. You must be compromised with yourself and give yourself the time necessary for the wound to heal well. You must allow yourself pain and sadness.
In this regard, it would be interesting to list the various tasks necessary to heal the wound:
- To accept loss.
- Suffer for her.
- Adjust to the new life without the person who has died.
- Remove, that is, detach from the "energy" of the deceased (get to talk about him normally, be able to love again, relate, etc.)
On the other hand, experts describe that the duel usually lasts about 18 months. If sadness and pain remain extremely acute after this time, Maybe it's time to seek the help of a professional. Although, as we said, everyone has their own times.
We recommend you read: The duel, that inner process for which nobody is prepared
Talk about him or her
You must resume your life. You must leave behind what happened and focus on that, from now on, your destiny is different. However, the person who has left has filled your heart in the past, your days and your hours. Because, It will always be part of your personal baggage.
For that reason, although during the first months it will be something painful, little by little the memory of the deceased couple will have to integrate in your interior as part of your personal history. It will always be part of your life, of who you are and how you are.
So, talk about your emotions and that special person who is no longer. Talk about what it was like, what you were doing, experiences together … Without a doubt, it will help you to heal.
Visualize the new future after the death of the couple
Face this new stage visualizing your future and your goals, and taking into account that you do it for your loved one.
Death is inevitable. It is also irremediable. Once it arrives, there is nothing that can be done to change things. Because, the only option is to accept it sooner or later.
However, as we said before, the problem in dealing with the death of the couple is that, along with a person we loved, also dies a future of dreams, expectations, plans and years together. And that it forces us to have to reprogram everything we assumed that would be our future and visualize it in another totally different way.
Therefore, in order to overcome the death of your loved one you must be able to visualize this new future. For this, it is not necessary to imagine oneself the rest of your life in one way or another. You can start with short-term goals and, little by little, project yourself to the future.
We recommend you read: Managing grief well is the key to overcoming a loss
Go back to doing things you did together
During the first months of the duel, The idea of doing activities that you did with the deceased can be extremely painful. Indeed, grief and sadness will turn these previously gratifying activities into something really bitter, full of memories and whys.
However, little by little, You must take back everything that makes you feel alive. You must be able to feel pleasure and gratification by doing things that you have always liked and that have made you feel good.
In this sense, gradually, You must understand that it will not be the same without your partner, of course, but it will be something different. However, remember: it can be nice again and make you feel good. Also, little by little, in these activities you must incorporate the memory of the person you have lost as a way to enrich them.
You have the right and obligation to Go back to enjoy life.
Seek professional help if necessary
Psychological therapy will help us manage emotions in the grieving process, guiding us to find the way more easily.
It may be that, despite trying, it is still really difficult for you to accept or overcome the grief over the death of the couple. Because, Do not hesitate to seek professional help to face it. There are bereavement therapies that, thanks to the help of a psychologist, will help you overcome it and be able to resume your life and your future.
Finally remember that grief is a normal and necessary process, which is painful and not easy to overcome. Keep this in mind and give yourself time and patience to accept, suffer and, little by little, integrate into your personal history and, finally, overcome.