5 tips to comfort a person who is sad

Sometimes, when we want to comfort a person who is sad, we appeal to the use of set phrases. However, they are not in tune with the moment. For this it is important to learn to listen.

Last update: September 02, 2021

Comforting a person who is sad can be an art. Especially in a society that has long been used to not talking about emotions and focusing only on cognitive and intellectual development.

Surely many times it has happened to you to listen to a loved one share bad news and not know what to say. Everything that comes to mind seems like empty words.

And you have also been on the side of sadness and Have you heard some consolations or advice that it would have been better to omit them. However, it is only about trying to tune in at that moment with the person who suffers and accompanying. Let's see how to do it.

The importance of knowing how to comfort

Carl Rogers, a psychologist of the humanistic current, argued that a helping relationship requires unconditional acceptance, of active listening and empathy. Although he was referring to the necessary conditions in a psychologist, it is possible to take these qualities to other areas and think about how they are useful to give comfort to a sad person.

It is that to know how to comfort you have to be able to listen and accept. Listening is vital because many times we are unable to abstract from our thoughts. In this way, it is difficult to be empathetic.

In turn, knowing how to accept has to do with the fact that sometimes we feel annoyed by the decisions that other people make. Or those things that cause discomfort to others seem unimportant to us. To help, it is necessary to suspend criticism and judgment and be willing to fully accompany.

How to comfort a person who is sad?

Faced with a sad situation, not all people need the same. There are those who will accept help immediately, while there are those who will be reluctant and boycott the situation, despite wanting to be helped.

In any case, you always have to try to be understanding and understand that certain reactions are typical of the state of sadness. Similarly, it is important to take into account some recommendations to avoid being invasive or indifferent.

Sometimes it is necessary to accompany with silence, without forcing advice that we do not know or cannot give.

1. Have an open and empathetic listening

A person who is going through a bad time, sometimes you need to vent and express what you feel. Being present and available can be a great help.

However, this presence has to be genuine and real. It is being there, listening, even with body gestures that indicate it.

Many times we do not realize it, but while someone tells us about their situation, we are aware of the mobile and we are distracted by notifications. Sometimes it also shows that we want to change the subject quickly or that we are in a hurry to leave.

These cases can be more counterproductive. In those moments when we are in a hurry and a conversation of this style arises, It is convenient to notify him and tell the person that they can continue later in a meeting, having a coffee, with greater tranquility.

2. Avoid cliche phrases

Sometimes silence makes us uncomfortable and, to fill in those gaps, we appeal to the use of set and corseted phrases. Despite having good intentions, they are not in tune with the situation.

When comforting a sad person it is preferable to recognize that we do not know what to say, but that we accompany in the discomfort. Physical contact, a hug or a caress, can be a better antidote than ready-made words.

3. Facilitate the expression of emotions

Encouraging the person to express what is happening and how they feel is essential. Trying to create a climate of trust and intimacy so that you can relax and express your emotions helps a lot.

And although sometimes we do not have the words, gestures and even body posture can be much more indicative that we are accessible. We are facilitators for the expression of the other and for their relief.

4. Avoid blame or responsibility

Sometimes, when comforting a person who is sad, phrases such as "I told you that", "it was known that", "you asked for it when". To help someone it is important to leave the place of the sermons and wait for an opportune moment to give some advice or opinion if it is requested.

5. Be aware

Many times, we manage to accompany during a specific moment, but we forget that there are certain situations of sadness that last. For example, for someone facing a duel. It often happens that the first few days, many friends organize to help with shopping or keep company, but after a week that fades.

This may be the time when the person who is sad needs the most support. It is when she will find herself completely alone and in her new circumstances. If we know of someone who is in a similar situation, it is positive to keep in touch and be aware of if you need something.

On the other hand, the person must always be encouraged to trust their resources and resilience. This is useful to encourage you to reconnect with activities that give you pleasure and are enjoyable.

The loneliness of the duels lasts a long time and the accompaniment cannot be limited to a few days.

It is important to naturalize sadness

Today there is a mandate to enjoy life in eternal and permanent happiness. Not that it's bad, but for mental health it is not good to take refuge in it as a way to avoid other emotional states.

You can't always be right. There is nothing wrong with this, it is part of life. The emotional blindness it only leaves us with few options and we must learn to feel and face those other not so graceful moments.

This is how many times, the sadness or crying of another person causes us a feeling of not knowing what to do. We get uncomfortable and tend to ask him not to cry. However, it is important to understand that sadness is a primary and necessary emotion.

Sometimes you have to cry and then calm down. So to comfort a sad person, if he wants to cry, a good alternative is to let him do so.