Many people have relationships that are based on attachment. This is normal, as the patterns they have seen throughout their lives were based on it. But the discomfort that this causes them, the pain and the little independence make them seek advice to practice detachment.
There is a very interesting phrase that sums up what attachment is, differentiating it from love. The psychologist Silvia Congost says the following: "Dependence is born from need, while love is born from freedom". How true! A dependency that not only exists in the couple, but can also appear with family and friends.
How can I know if I am suffering from emotional attachment?
The first thing is to know if we are really suffering emotional attachment. Not everything has to be attachment and dependence, so let's try to identify it.
It should make us suspect that we suffer from emotional attachment when we cannot stop thinking about the other person. Although we are at work or with friends, it is difficult for us to enjoy and concentrate, because the other occupies all our thoughts. This is neither healthy nor positive.
Another aspect that should alert us is if We are always waiting to receive the call or message from the other person. It is as if the attention is on it and distracts us from the rest. This is nothing positive, especially since there are other things that also require our fulfillment.
Finally, if we only feel happy when we are or hear from the other person. This is serious! Our happiness must come from within and not depend on someone else. This alerts you to a self-esteem problem.
Keep reading: Tips to strengthen self-esteem
Symptoms of emotional attachment
To better illustrate and identify emotional attachment we are going to give some examples of the symptoms that can alert us. For example, if we feel a lot of anxiety when we find that the other person does not answer us after half an hour. We see the mobile compulsively and that is a clear sign.
It is also a symptom of emotional attachment that we are unable to do things and feel good without the other being there. In the event that we do not know how to enjoy if the other person is not there, this is a clear alert that there is a problem that must be solved as soon as possible.
Other symptoms may be the following:
We need to please and satisfy the other to feel good.
We do not see the defects of the other person, but only what we like.
We are afraid of being rejected or abandoned.
Because of this, we act possessively and feel jealous.
The phrase "without you I am nothing" defines our relationship.
Consequences of emotional attachment
How can we find out emotional attachment is not healthy at all. It is impossible for us to have a healthy relationship based on trust if we fear losing the other person.
At the moment when our whole world revolves around it and we are not autonomous, but dependent, we are in a toxic relationship that only causes us pain.
Another consequence of emotional attachment is that our self-esteem decreases. Since we only care about the other person, we stop taking care of ourselves. This causes us to become diluted and that, when we look in the mirror, we do not recognize ourselves. We have forgotten about ourselves.
Despite the fact that the other person makes us feel happy, at all times we feel dissatisfied and frustrated. It is as if nothing could please us. These feelings are normal when we depend on the outside to be happy.
The looping thoughts, the anxiety, the constant fear of abandonment, the demand for displays of affection from the other person … everything has a fatal outcome. Our self-esteem will not stop plummeting and we will find ourselves trapped in a relationship with pain as the predominant emotion.
5 tips for practicing detachment
Now that we know how harmful emotional attachment can be, consider some tips for practicing detachment. It's not an easy thing, but with willpower and professional help it is possible to change the way in which we have related until this moment.
1. Have our own life
Those hackneyed phrases of "Now we are one" or "my world is you" they are a big mistake. Having a partner or another person in existence does not imply that our lives are founded and that we have to do everything together. Meeting friends separately and doing activities alone is essential.
2. Learn to be alone
When we are alone do we feel sad? Are we distressed if we don't have that person by our side? It has not always been there and one day the relationship may end or the roads take different directions. We must learn to be alone and enjoy that loneliness.
3. No one is responsible for us
This advice for practicing detachment is essential. No one but us should be responsible for our happiness or well-being. We are no longer little children who depended on adults. Now we are the ones who must be responsible for our life.
Discover: Keys to take control of your life
4. Take nothing for granted
Having a partner does not mean that that person owes us something or that they will want to be with us forever. Surely we have also left a relationship.
In fact, with attachment, they tend to have chain relationships to avoid being alone and suffering mourning. So let's look at the relationship in a real way, without fantasizing about it.
5. Communication is essential
Are we jealous of the other person? Distrust? Well it is better to communicate it than to fall into obsessive practices and nothing healthy for the relationship.
This can help to clear up doubts, to remain calm and to understand that everything is in our mind, a product of insecurity. Communication is essential.
Practicing detachment is an exercise
However, we do not want to end this article without something important such as the recommendation to go to a professional if required. In the area of psychology there are many people specialized in dependency who can accompany us to practice detachment in a more effective way.
Building healthy relationships is not easy, but it is possible. There are many learned patterns that we must unlearn. It is our responsibility to do so.
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