5 signs to identify if it is love or desire

Feeling love or desire for another person are two very different things. So if you have doubts, these signs will help you clarify your feelings.

Reviewed and approved by the psychologist Elena Sanz on October 21, 2021.

Last update: October 21, 2021

When a person attracts you, It can be difficult to identify if it is love or desire what you feel for her. You want to be with that person, to see them at every moment, but if at some point you have confused love with desire, it is normal that doubts hang over you.

Why is it so difficult to tell the difference? Because your brain is releasing large doses of dopamine, a neurotransmitter that, according to the Hospital San Fernando Clinic, is the cause of pleasant sensations and the sensation of relaxation. In addition, other substances are also released, such as serotonin and oxytocin.

Difference between love and desire

Despite what is happening in your brain, it is possible that you can identify if it is love or desire that you feel. To do this, we are going to see what definitions the Royal Spanish Academy (RAE) gives us on these two terms:

  • Love: feeling towards another person that attracts us and that, seeking reciprocity in the desire for union, makes us happy and gives us energy to live together, communicate and create.
  • Wish: affective movement towards something that you want.

As you may have noticed, desire is the attraction you feel for the other person with whom you may or may not be in love. When you feel love, you also feel desire. But you can wish without love.

You will be able to identify if it is love or desire over time. However, after several experiences, you may not want to wait that long and want to clarify your ideas as soon as possible. To do this, the following signs can come in handy for you.

Signs that will help you identify if it is love or desire

Now is the time to grab a pen and paper or open a notepad on a digital device. It is very important that you do not forget these signs.

They will help you clarify your ideas when you have doubts about whether what you feel for the other is love or desire. In addition, we will give you some examples to improve understanding.

Desire may not be in line with love. There is nothing wrong with this, but it should be borne in mind.

1. You just want to have a good time

This first of the signs to know if it is love or desire will serve you and if you start to have doubts about what the other person may be feeling, too. What happens when you want to have a good time alone? Well what you are going to call the other person to have fun, maintain relationships, have a coffee occasionally. But nothing else.

There will be no moments when you feel bad and the other person will be there, because your purpose is to be together to have a good time. These types of relationships are often called friends with benefits. Although the reality is that you are neither friends nor boyfriends, or anything.

2. Your intentions go in only one direction

Do you want to go on a trip? Take a simple walk to talk? This happens when you feel love and want to make plans with that person who is becoming someone very special to you. But if you only want her, your intentions go in only one direction: to have sex.

If you are the one who is experiencing this, be careful. It is very painful to be with someone who only wants you and for whom you are feeling something more. Therefore, it is essential that feelings are clarified in these situations. If you both just want each other, there is no problem!

3. You want to build a relationship

When we talk about building a relationship, we do not mean that you are going to get married and have children. The moment you love someone, you don’t just want it; you are going to want that person to be part of your life. You will start to make plans, perhaps you imagine a future living together and you will like to know things about each other that you had not yet discovered.

There is a beautiful image that clearly defines what it is to feel love for another person and want to build a relationship with them. It is about a couple who walk hand in hand along a path. If you only want someone, it would not be possible to visualize this image.

A path to travel alongside the other is an expression of love, as it is projected into the future.

4. You want to be in the good and bad times

If you love someone, you are not only going to be there in the good times, but also in the bad. You want to listen to the other person, comfort them when they need it, give them your full support. A relationship is built this way, because you really love.

In the moment when you only want the other person, You may worry, but in a selfish way. For example, because he can’t meet you to see you. However, you won’t be there because you don’t want to. It’s just wish.

5. You don’t complement each other

This is one of the last signs to know if it is love or desire. When there is desire, you do not have to complement yourself with the other person. In fact, it is very likely that you do not want more than just sex with her, because there are aspects that you do not like.

However, the moment you fall in love it is because you both complement each other. Despite your differences, you fit in, you communicate, you grow. Take this into account to know if it is love or desire what you feel.

Short or long term; wish or love

Are you now more clear about the differences between love and desire? Remember that when you love someone you have a plan for the future, you want to build a relationship. However, the moment you only feel desire, you want to have a good time and that’s it.

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